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Envy






I envy those people I know whose pregnant with their child. I admit I am, but I mean no harm to anyone. It's just that my ardent wish is to have my own child. I am awake at 1 am while my DH is already asleep. I read some of my new friends blogs and found out that some of time successfully is now pregnant. Indeed, I am happy knowing that such joy will be a great blessing to their family. But somehow I feel down again, envy and full of questions. A month from now I am turning 28 and days are flying so fast. Day 4 of my period and has a toot ache and needed to be extracted. I will be on a night shift the next month too and I know the stress would be a hindrance for me to ovulate too. I didn't ho back to my RE this month and somehow hoping that this green barley herbal medicine would help me ovulate somehow.

I am getting tired of going back and forth to my RE and hope again somehow knowing that I will fail again; I think I gained a negative mentality. PCOS here in the Philippines seems harder to deal with, unlike other countries they have new, effective and many solutions to help those who wants to conceived. I am feeling so naive and lost in this battle again. Trying to tell myself to let all the bitterness and negativity go. Easier said than done. I have to sleep though there are many things I wanted to say, I choose to stop 'cause my mind and heart are tired of this. I want to somehow let it go, sleep it over and maybe tomorrow I may find the courage again to be optimistic. I am sorry if I may offended somebody, I didn't mean to me. Please don't get me wrong.

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2 comments:

Bheng said...

Friend, I found this humble prayer while browsing the net and decided to pass it to you. Hope it would help...

Gracious God, we long for a child and find our hearts shaved of hope
as month after month we go childless.
The love we have to give and share with a child fills us to the brim,
but that love seems thwarted when our longing is not fulfilled.
Look with tenderness on us, O God.
Let the disappointment that hangs over us be lifted by the joy of your touch.
Give us the patience that will re-build hope
as we wait for the fullness of our love in the high calling of parenthood.
We ask this for the sake of your love. Amen

Iam veRONIque said...

Thank you my dear dear friend for always being so ever supportive. You have been my constant strength and reminder that I am bless every day. Love you.

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