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Missing my Grandparents

I was looking through some photographs of friends back home and can't help recall some memories of the past. Growing up with my grandparents made me realized the importance of time. Precious time with my grandparents was stolen from me. Losing them was the most devastating time of my life; having neglected time of showing and telling them how much they mean to me has placed a hole in my heart. There are tons and tons of questions in my mind, questions that I have come to understand its conclusions and some still meant devastation. I should have shown them more and told them how much they mean to me; that I am so thankful for taking care of me despite all conflicts and afflictions. They stood by me even at my most craziest time, loved me unconditionally and fought for me. After they die I told my self that I would try my best not to reminisce the times we spent together merely because everytime I think of them seems like tears are falling endlessly. The pain I went through losing them and being not able to show them how grateful I am to all the sacrifices they've done for me makes my heart bleed profusely. Now, I can't help but reminisce and have a wishful thinking that if they were alive I would have shown them all my love and gratitude to all the things they have done for me.


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What is friendship?

In this selfish world everyone wants to have true friends. True friendship is measured not by the amount of time and physical connection but by acceptance of one persons personality without any exceptions. A true friend is the one with whom you can share your strength and weakness without being judge. Your can share your achievements and failure without hesitations. One that would never let you feel worthless, no false accusations, bitterness and being emulous.

You should never bad mouth about a friend though it is good to be honest but at the same time it is also important to make him know about his weak points and in return that friend should be able to listen and comprehend that you only meant good intentions. Never allow them to violate your morals and principles. Never try to change your friend, accept them just the way they are, though you can always improve them. Criticizing in good way is acceptable, but condemn should be avoided.

We can't avoid times were we have arguments, contradictions and feelings might have been hurt. Yet, with these set of emotions and journey we should always have an open heart and an open mind. It is better to humble yourself and listen with a good heart than capitulate in hatred. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong for as long as you understand the truth of the circumstances you were in and lessons are learned. To find a faithful and trusted friend finds priceless treasure.


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Faith and Writing

I feel in love again in updating and writing in my blog; seems like I have missed a lot of opportunity talking to an old friend who never criticizes or judge me. Having been so busy at work and too many other activities, my mind was exhausted to extract its juices to write. Today is Black Saturday of the Lenten season and I was very enthusiastic in listening to praised and worshiped songs that will enlighten my spirits. For the past years I have come to be more religious; as I grow old I have been so eager and passionate to be a good christian. As these new adventure of waiting for a child begins I have been trying my best and hardest to pray to Our Dear Heavenly Father. I am fortunate that at my age I have come to realized the real value and how powerful a prayer could be. I can say that I am proud of myself for being optimistic and has become wiser as HE guide me through my life.

Though there are times that I feel dishearten and anger overpowers me; at the end of the day there are voices inside me pushing me to believed and trust in HIS will. My good friend Cathy rekindle my spirit and opened my sleeping love in writing and going to church. She and Yhaz has been a great influence in uplifting my spirits when I am feeling down and as we continue our church and spiritual adventures, our friendship is tightly bonded by our faith in HIM. There are too many things that is flowing out of my mind that I can hardly keep up and write. I am so very inspired to write all the things these heart and mind keep pushing me. I have come to learned that the best teacher in writing is pure untainted emotions and by keeping it real and true nothing could go wrong.

We are only humans capable of all mistakes, overwhelming emotions,happiness, pains conflicts and confusion. There are times that adverse emotions overpower us, we tend to be more emotional and attached to these emotions were we tend to forget all the good things that happened. Isn't it true that when we cry it brings all out the negative feeling we feel which seems to be never ending? But when we are happy it only brings out the best in us in a short manner of time? Why is this so? I could never have the full answer yet I realized that in pain we manage to be more attentive and vigilant in all our decision making. That having been through rough roads and twist of ups and downs at the end of that are lessons that are more valuable each day of our lives. Lessons that will be our shield and strength in all the adversity we may face in life.

Often times we manage to get through the day so fast that at the end of that we haven't realized what great blessings and accomplishment we have done. We go to bed unaware of all the great information and priceless lesson we have encounter. Why? because we forget to be conscientious in little things that matters most. Like the smile of a friend who lightens up your day, to an angel who woke you up so you wouldn't be late or to someone dear who listens to your pains. When are weary and dour; we complain, moan with anticipation and anger subjugate our whole being. Take time to breath and be silent for in solace and prayer we understand all the good reasons why things happens. Open your heart to the LORD and asked HIM for guidance and enlightenment. For in every step you make He will never leave your way. All the worries and pain you carry cast them all in him, let his will be done and your path is in the way to righteousness.

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Emotions!

There were times that I feel I am worthless and futile. Incapable of bearing a child scares me more each day that passes by. I hide in my mask of pretension, wide smile and joyful heart. Often times I try so hard to forget and divert my attention to things that may help me out think my longing to have a child. People that cares about me keeps me grounded and strong. Their prayers and outpouring support help me to shed some burden and pain that I carry. But when I am alone and got no one to talk to I lose control. I cry my heart out praying, hoping and thinking with out most power that I am pregnant. Unfortunately, today I have my pre spotting which means that 2-3 days from now my period is coming. I am doing my best not to think negative and be succumb into loneliness yet, I cannot deny the truth that I am again devastated and in pain. Days seems to run by so fast and It scares me more knowing that another day,week,months that pass by and I am still not bearing a child. Though often times I feel this way I know that the LORD always gives me hope and strength most especially when I am so down HE would enlighten me with hope that all I need is to be patient and in HIS time and will it will done. I am only human capable of all emotions and questions. I am not perfect at all and in my imperfection I learn the greatest lessons.

Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my sins, all the pain I have cause your bleeding heart and the doubts I have.
I am your daughter here in front of you asking for your forgiveness and strength in guiding me to follow your will.
Help me in all my endeavors especially widen and strengthen my patience knowing that in your time and will you will bless me with my own child.
OH Father, often times that I feel sad and have doubts please forgive me.
I thank you despite all those pains and sins I have done you have never abandoned me.
You have always been there when I was weak and pain overcomes my emotions and decisions.
At times LORD that I lose hope and patience you have always given me reasons and answers that gives me undying hope and strength to patiently wait for the right time.
Thank you to my family and friends prayer and love that keeps me going day by day. Most especially for giving me a very patient, understanding, caring and loving husband. I asked and beg you to strengthen and be our guide in our married life that he will never changed his good ways and will also patiently wait for the right time that our son will complete our lives.
With all my heart Oh LORD enlighten me and never let go of my hand. Guide me through out our lifetime that we will do what it righteous and by your will.
In JESUS name we pray.

Amen.


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