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Emotions!

There were times that I feel I am worthless and futile. Incapable of bearing a child scares me more each day that passes by. I hide in my mask of pretension, wide smile and joyful heart. Often times I try so hard to forget and divert my attention to things that may help me out think my longing to have a child. People that cares about me keeps me grounded and strong. Their prayers and outpouring support help me to shed some burden and pain that I carry. But when I am alone and got no one to talk to I lose control. I cry my heart out praying, hoping and thinking with out most power that I am pregnant. Unfortunately, today I have my pre spotting which means that 2-3 days from now my period is coming. I am doing my best not to think negative and be succumb into loneliness yet, I cannot deny the truth that I am again devastated and in pain. Days seems to run by so fast and It scares me more knowing that another day,week,months that pass by and I am still not bearing a child. Though often times I feel this way I know that the LORD always gives me hope and strength most especially when I am so down HE would enlighten me with hope that all I need is to be patient and in HIS time and will it will done. I am only human capable of all emotions and questions. I am not perfect at all and in my imperfection I learn the greatest lessons.

Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my sins, all the pain I have cause your bleeding heart and the doubts I have.
I am your daughter here in front of you asking for your forgiveness and strength in guiding me to follow your will.
Help me in all my endeavors especially widen and strengthen my patience knowing that in your time and will you will bless me with my own child.
OH Father, often times that I feel sad and have doubts please forgive me.
I thank you despite all those pains and sins I have done you have never abandoned me.
You have always been there when I was weak and pain overcomes my emotions and decisions.
At times LORD that I lose hope and patience you have always given me reasons and answers that gives me undying hope and strength to patiently wait for the right time.
Thank you to my family and friends prayer and love that keeps me going day by day. Most especially for giving me a very patient, understanding, caring and loving husband. I asked and beg you to strengthen and be our guide in our married life that he will never changed his good ways and will also patiently wait for the right time that our son will complete our lives.
With all my heart Oh LORD enlighten me and never let go of my hand. Guide me through out our lifetime that we will do what it righteous and by your will.
In JESUS name we pray.

Amen.


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2 comments:

bheng said...

Friend, no matter how painful the sadness and loneliness is in your life once in a while; hope is your companion and will walk beside you throughout your journey.

We will always be here for you...

Iam veRONIque said...

Thank you so much friend. You will always be one of my pillars of strength.

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