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I am Crushed!

There are too many things that's bothering me lately; financially, emotionally and spiritually. Finances are getting tighter these days, I wanted to have our own place unfortunately there are unexpected finances that over rides our budget. Our boarding house are beginning to unfairly charged us with our water and electricity bill such additional charges is quite heavy for us. We found a townhouse near our work but it seems that that payment terms for the advance and deposit is too much for us to handle. In addition, I have to support my family and have made some financial debts. Too many expenses, less source of income and a huge head and heart ache. Emotionally drained in hoping and waiting for my priceless gift. Every month that passes is putting a heavy carriage of hope and then sadness knowing that I failed again. I am trying so deeply hard not to think of it and wait patiently yet I am only human capable of being impatient and losing hope. Now, as our 2 year anniversary is approaching the more I become hopeless, sad and lonely. People around me are keeping me positively optimistic yet they don't know the pain I feel. I'd rather not hear them say "it's ok, in the right time it'll come, be patient". I' am quite sick and tired hearing those, no offense meant though I appreciate there concern but it adds to the pain I feel. The more they asked, say, comment or notice that I am still not pregnant the more I remember that I am not and the more I am crushed. I'd rather let them pass the day without giving me reasons or trigger my memory on that count. I just want to lived the day as if it was a fine one. Trying to ignore and wait is hard, so at times they acknowledge that part of my life the more they keep reminding me of the pain and how hopeless I am. The long waited vacation we planned seems that it won't push through, again! I am so exhausted and abase. what I wanted is to have some time for me and my hubby to take a rest from all of these difficulties. A time to rejuvenate and contemplate hoping that this vacation may give me my strength and awakens my optimism. Why? What? When? How? Yes, again I am Crushed!

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2 comments:

Mr Lonely said...

nice blog.. have a view of my blog when free.. http://www.lonelyreload.blogspot.com .. do leave me some comment / guide if can.. if interested can follow my blog...

Iam veRONIque said...

Thanks. I'll do that.

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