I am sick. I have cough and flu. I am not feeling well physically, mentally and emotionally. There are too many things that's bothering me all at once. I need to look for another house, pay bills, work, overcome depression, see my OB, look for money, cry and try to distress. I have waited and loss 3 months in hoping for my baby. RE told me after the HSG last February to wait for 3 months and try if we can conceived naturally, again I failed. I feel like a failure. I skip another month on my period so I need to see my RE soon, though I know that she'll just prescribed me with a medicine to help me menstruate. I am trying not to hope again that maybe this time it will work. I am so exhausted with these crap. How can I spend my life without a child? Will my husband still love me after all these difficulties we face? I am scared, frightened of the thought I may not able to bear him a child. I am slowly losing my sanity and optimism. Most of the time I pretend that I am fine, hiding in the pretentious smile, wearing a mask of optimism but deep down I am losing it all. Sometimes I want to let this out, wanted to speak out and tumble; but I know I need to stand tall and be strong. I feel like no one understand what I am going through right now. How I wish I could talk to someone whose facing the same thing as I am.

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