Damn the PT test!!! and I feel so stupid again!!!It's negative!!! I should have not done it!!!I haven't told my husband yet and I have no plan to do so. I'll just make him believe that I'm just delayed like the other past months and his used to it. I don't want to hurt him by telling him this. I'll have to really see my RE this friday. It also sucks that my RE only have monday and friday clinic days. She is a well known to be very credible yet I feel so useless and stupid!!

I should have not took that f*** test!!! I wasn't able to sleep earlier because of this I was crying while praying too. I' am feeling so down now though I am trying to be more optimistic about this but I can't deny the fact that it really hurts. I don't want to hope anymore and as much as I wanted to ignore it and pretend that I am not hoping for it I am not a hypocrite too. Everyday I am living my life trying to pretend that I am OK and I am strong yet nobody see's in me how I am slowly melting down inside. I have been fighting the urged not to take the test for I know it will just be negative yet I still did it. And look what it did to me?!!! I couldnt fathom the emotions I have right now but I know I need to be strong, I have to be strong! I miss my friends I really miss them! How I wish they are here beside me, comforting me or just be the friends that they are to me and I know this pain would be lessen.

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ladycat said...

Friend, I understand how you feel, what your heart's desire. I can only say that you have to be patient in God's own time and never ever give up in praying that He will give what you have asking for.

God is there for you. He stands beside you to help through your issues. You are not alone. God has a reason for allowing things to happen, we may never understand His wisdom but we simply have to trust His will. Just always bear in mind that God's purpose is greater than your problems.

Always remember that I will always here for you.

God bless you all the way!

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