My PCOS Battle

Mother, Mama, Mommy, Nanay, Momsy, Mudra- this is just few of the familiar words on how we call the woman who took the risk of her life to brought us up in this world. A woman who carried us 9 months on her womb, took a great risk of their life to deliver us in this world, wake up in the wee hours of the night to check and make sure we are well. There are a lot of words to define motherhood in every sense and words couldn’t fully unravel how unconditional their love for us. We may be stubborn, hard headed and sometimes we may have miss apprehensions on how they brought us up. Yet, they would never abandon us and will do unsurpassed things for our own sake. Their Love is remarkably unconditional in every sense of the word and in every uncertainties in this world they would be the only one who will always accept us, regardless and despite of. I saw her crying her heart out, on how twice she was left alone by the man she love. At the age of 27 she first became a widow-2 months after she gave birth to their only child and now again same date as her first husband she lost a man that she spent most of her life with, whom she build her family and who became my own father. My heart is broken and confounded seeing her cry, worrying over her being alone when I am far away from her. I don’t want to leave her, I want to always be with her, take care of her, assure her that she is not alone. Surely, people are right when they say you will realized how important a person is when they are gone. The father I knew growing up is gone, a man who would wake up early in the morning to cook us our food, who cooks my favorite Ilonggo dish adobong manok, the one who other people who would always run to when they needed someone who will lend them an open and understanding heart. When I went home, I felt that things are really incomplete and I was waiting for that someone to make our home complete. I walk down to the kitchen, dumbfounded, impaired and devastated realizing that he wasn’t there anymore.

I miss you and I may not have shown you more than what I should on how imperative you have been in my life but I do. You made me feel that I am your own daughter, your flesh and blood. The love and understanding you have shown me, my siblings and Ma is incomparable. My heart bleeds and tears in my eyes flows endlessly. Losing you and seeing Ma with this unbearable pain wants me to stay home and take care of her and my siblings. I worry about her so much, leaving her alone with the responsibility of being the mother and father at the same time . On how I know that she is agitated most of the time. Now, I wake up and sleep thinking how she is and profoundly deem how could I take all the pain she feels. Make her feel calm, assured and that euphoria will overwhelmed her life again. How I yearn to be in two places at the same time. I may not told you how much I Love you but MA I intensely Do and I don’t want to see you like this, being hurt and alone. If I could only take the pain you feel. I want to pledge my undying devotion and love and that I will never leave you. Please be strong for me and my sisters, we will always be here and we will take care of you. Tito, please guide us and help Ma cope up losing you. I may not have say this nor show you how much I care and how important you are but I want to tell you that I Love you like my own father. Thank you for always being there for me, showering me with love and understanding, for loving MA, taking care of us and for the adobo. I Love you Tito, I love you PA and I wish I had called you Pa. I cry my heart out tonight losing you. And I know you see and read this, I hope somehow I made you feel this love I have for you. Now, when I go home I know it is no longer complete and each time I see home I would look for you and I look forward to see the things that will remind me of you. Help us to be strong for the three of us to move on knowing you are always here beside us. Good bye is not forever ‘coz I know you will always be here in our hearts.