My PCOS Battle

I was checking my facebook account and came across to one of my friends post, which she exultantly announced her pregnancy. Then it struck me again, a sharp pain and sadness in my heart. Seems like most of my friends nowadays are happily becoming pregnant while I am trying for quite sometime but failed to do so. Last month was a month full of psychological exhaustion and I was beat down. I took some ovamit pills and had an transvaginal ultrasound for follicle monitoring but AGAIN it failed, I failed, seems like I always do. Where do I go? working in a hospital makes me encounter pregnant woman and their children, which makes the whole in my heart bigger, deeper and painful. People keep telling me not to stress my self thinking about my hearts wish to have my own child; and yes I am trying to do. This blog is my niche, this is were I can shout, scream, cry and laugh; I can say whatever I want, whenever and no matter what. Regardless of how I am doing my best not to pressure my self and not allowing sadness take control of my life, I am still dying inside.

Often times we humans tend to be more emotional and deeply engrossed when sadness or adversity take a ride in our life. All the questions and confusions that surround us are like hurricanes that strongly sweeps away all our optimistic character and we become vulnerable. Where do life take me when all I want is to have a child?! will it happen or will I hope for nothing? Suddenly the world seems too dark, seemingly I hear no melody in my life, quietly I want to scream and shout?! Do I make sense?! Does anyone hear my cry? Does anyone know how I can heal this wound inside? WHEN CAN I HAVE and HOLD you in my life?! Someone please help me be strong and optimistic as I fought this battle in my life.

Dont s¡MplY thAnk God dAt you hAve mUch wh¡lE 0thErs hAve l¡ttlE.ThAnk H¡m bEcaUse He hAs ch0sEn t0 blEss you & ¡n rEtUrn bE a blEss¡ng t0 0thErs. Have a blessed day everyone.

"Find solace within yourself not from anyone else, listen deeply to your innermost voice, if u want to cry don't stop yourself. No strong man can withstand all this trials without being weak, we can only comprehend courage & strength by going through vulnerability & fears. Hold on steadfastly from deep within, today you can be weak and accept the things you can't comprehend but tomorrow is another day, a day to restart and stand again. "

Feels like there is no way out,
No one hears the loudest pain I feel.
Seems like darkness surrounds my way,
Tears keep flowing day by day.

Hope seems no where to find when one is succumb in abase,
The dream you long seems to fade away.
Profound sadness utters words of pain,
Lost in the woods full of thorns and blades.

Thick fogs and cold air,
The pain is hard to bear.
Tears keep flowing,
As I keep walking.

All day as you sat and cry,
But you still feel empty inside.
Confusions and illusions,
Lost in the Labyrinth of Depression.

Today, I am overwhelmed. I am happy yet I am a bit sad. A priceless and wonderful blessing was given to one of my dearest friend, a child. In her womb a miracle is growing sent from heaven above. Our friendship is bonded by faith and by faith we have been stronger, jubilant and better. Yhaz, Cat and Cha you three has always been there supporting me closely to pray for what I have been waiting and longing for. I could never be so thankful enough to have been bless with friends who love me and my husband dearly. The prayers we have shared together has made us strong for each other. Everyday, I always look forward to somehow talk or even just see a glimpse of you to make my day worthwhile. Now, that a precious angel is given to our friend I am delighted and exultant that our friendship will be bonded by this little blessing.


Yhaz, treasure this priceless blessings sent from above and rest assured that we will always be by your side. I for one would never allow anyone to hurt both of you and regardless of what people may think and say I'm proud to be part of your life. Thank you for sharing me this wonderful blessing you have right now, for making me a part of both of you. Each day I would always pray that everything will be alright between you and your family. Don't be afraid of the things that may come for I know GOD will never leave your side and we will always be here to guide you all through the way.

Our journey is just starting and I know this journey will be amazing, meaningful and fruitful. Thank you my friends for keeping me sane and insane. :D Thank you for welcoming me in your life. Welcome to our friendship our precious angel. WE all Love you.

Started taking ovamit from June 11-15. Just praying and hoping that this time it'll be a success. I'm trying so hard to be optimistic and hopeful; somewhat trying not to pressure my self thinking too much over this. Waiting for the 21 to have a trans vaginal ultrasound. I pray that everything is healthy and positive results will come.

Why are you so inconsiderate, cruel, and unfair?! Why do you treat us like this?! You always think about just yourself, you never think the pain you inflict to someone else. Your too high to reach, your to strong to tame, the price we pay just to avoid chaos in our place; belittled by you and your such a disgrace. If you think you are right and we are wrong why do you still have to scorn us all along?! Is it right to be unfair to someone who keep their pain in silence for the greater good?! If you are all right could you just please don't crashed us and inflict this unfair treatment?! I am sure your conscience doesn't make you sleep nor keeping your so called friend make you a better person. What is the essence of having what you claim to be your truest friend when you belittle someone else for the sake of them?! Is it right or unfair?! Be true to yourself on what you have done am sure if somehow you have a conscience you would understand but if your a low person with a fierce, unfair, cruel personality then I pity you, you don't have a heart!!!!! Your such a cold hearted!!!!