My PCOS Battle

I love thee to the depth, the breadth and height my soul can reach..
I love thee for the pulse of valor you encapsulate within me..
I love thee immeasurably and infinitely beyond words can unfold..
I love thee for loving me like a perfect fairy tale story the world can ever be told..

 We celebrated our 2nd year anniversary in a simple but blissful way. Like any other couple we were so excited to celebrate our anniversary that it made me wake up at  4AM in the morning with only 3 hours of sleep. The supposed plan was to go to subic for 2-3 days enjoying Oceans Adenture Subic and zoobic but unfortunately due to his schedule for the inter hospital basketball league and insufficient time/budget  we opt to just celebrate it with what we can afford. At 7 in the morning we are already at St. Pio Church Libis to start our day with a mass but was told that it would start at 10 am. Both of us had time to pray soulfully and more time to see the full beauty of the church. There were many testimonials of miracles on the wall and it give me a new sense of hope that one day what we are praying will be granted and I too can post my testimonial in that wall. See, it's been 2 years now that we are married but still isn't bless with a child of our own. As much as we could we always try to think optimistically. But of course often times we would ask ourselves why and when?! Nonetheless, we know in our hearts that with patience and faith it will be granted. The mass ended at 11 am and we were there for almost 4 hours but it is all worth it. After which, we went to Eastwood City to eat our lunch and to enjoy the beauty of the place. Funny but both of us are beginning to be sleepy while we were roaming around the malls. There were  few people at Eastwood most of them are busy watching the pay preview of Pacquiao and Margarito fight inside the resto's and cinemas. Then we decided to go to Trinoma Mall to hang around and look for a nice nike slipper that he wanted. By the way we had insufficient time and money to push through our plans to subic so I decided to buy him an installment ipad4 which I know will make him ecstatic. My husband loves music and video games; I pity his cellphone for he seems to play the music anywhere and whatever he maybe doing that it seems to deteriorate everyday. The joy in his eyes and lips can't be hidden when I gave it to him or should I say told him that I am going to buy that for him at that very moment. Though I said that we have insufficient budget the i pad 4 I bought was for 12 months installment so it has given me some time to save money. ;) He was supposed to buy me a watch but the one I wanted was already been brought so I told him I'd just wait for the new arrivals maybe next month so inclined with the Christmas bonus. ;) Our celebration wasn't extravagant or out of the ordinary but celebrating love doesn't need to be expensive and glamorous all it needs is a strong foundation of trust, respect and understanding. Looking forward to many years of celebration till our life is through and even through forever.

My Quintessence, My Life, My Love!



With you I have found the quintessence of love and life,

In your arms I found my comfort and peace.

You alone is my reason to live,

and my life to you I will give.


All the love the world could ever know,

Is embodied within your soul.

How could I ever thank thee,

For loving me so unconditionally!


If I could have a wish that never fades,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

and the warmth of your embrace.


The cobweb of love we have,

Strengthen by the test and challenges.

Could never be annihilate,

For it is clothe with our faith in God's grace.


Thank you for teaching me the quintessence of love and life,

I have found in you the truth in every lies.

I LOVE YOU more as the day goes by.

For you are the air that keeps me alive.

 *******Fertility Update********
Currently on a night shift, 4 days delayed but not hoping or should I say trying not to think of it at all, will be saving money for our first IUI next year and no medications taken. :( geeezzzz!

I am a failure! I failed again for the nth time. I had my period this morning my husband and I cried! I hate myself seing him go through this pain. Seems like I am out of words for the pain succumbs me like in down deep in the earth. DAMN!!!

I miss you both so badly and dreadfully. If I could turn back time I would because up to now I can't move on  and accept that you are gone. Grandpa,, I miss the sound of your voice, sleeping beside you for 16 years, sharing our interest and beliefs. I miss hearing our unique mores code, our cats and dogs but most of all I miss your LOVE badly. No one has ever love me the way both of you did. Most of the time I would try to steer clear of or obliterate you in my mind because every time that I remember you I can't bear the pain I felt inside. Grandma, thank you for the patience, love and understanding.   For always being there for grandpa and I even if we were a burden for you.
This is the first time again that I have seen your pictures for 10 years and it brings back the happiness and pain. I am so fortunate that I grew up with you, you have sacrifice a lot for me and have shown me unconditional love. With you I have always felt that I belong to a family and for such a long time  after you were gone I felt so abandoned and forgotten. But I have never failed to pray for you every day of my life because I wouldn't be able to reach what I have right now if it weren't for your sacrifices and love. No one did understand what I went through, not one had lend a hand for me to hold on to. Most of all, people around me criticized and judge me for things I didn't do.  I kept my pain in silence knowing that would make you proud of me being mature and smarter. I know that ONLY both of you understands me and had love me incomparably. You both know how I did my best to comprehend things that seems too hard to understand, had selflessly gave everything just not to be like those people who have hurt me and most of all keep my silent for peace and unity.  I miss the chair you lay in Lolo,  miss hearing bombo radio whole day, I miss the bed and the room I slept in half of my life.  I should have listen more to your stories and eagerly grasp your elaboration of details about our family tree. People who knew both of you I know wouldn’t fail to remember your kindness and the marks you leave in their lives.  The way you teach me the strategy in playing mahjong, buying our favorite foods and drinks, I just miss being LOVED again the way we were before. Tears keep falling in my eyes as  for the longest time that I kept this pain in my life. How could I move on? I always try or maybe pretended that I have but deep into my inner thoughts and feelings I couldn't. Why did you leave me behind?! Why didn't you gave me a chance to show and repay all your sacrifices?! I miss you undeniably and enormously, no man could ever empathize what anguish I have felt and  couldn’t ever take away this pain in my life.

I started taking Clomid on Sept. 21-25 with less hope and expectations. A choice I made myself trying to obliterate all the skeptical notions going on my mind and just doing my best to follow the doctors advised.

It's been a while since I posted here. So, here it goes...Last August 25 I celebrated my 28 birthday at TAGAYTAY, PHILIPPINES. My husband and I went there  to have sometime together which we already had planned for the longest time. After my birthday I was  so caught up with work and organizing my sister's application paper's going to dubai. Sept. 21 is my CD1 upto-Sept. 25. Today, I started my first puregon FSH 50 IU and this would be for 5 days. On Oct. 1 is my TVS for follicle monitoring. Again, I am hopeful but trying not to be for I know how hard and painful it is to fail again. I have spent quite some of money on this and though it is a financial burden we are trying to be optimistic. I don't want to hope and fail, wait and be dissapointed. I hate this feeling. Lord, take away all this doubts and fears.

Suddenly the world seems lonely and pain shadows every smile.
I heard a devastating news today a friend has lost his life.
He was young, enthusiastic and full of pride.
Where did his smile went?It has brought tears in our eyes.

           It is better to lose someone over distance and time than losing them with death for a lifetime. The hardest and most painful tragedy a person can face is losing a love one by death. Indeed, our life is just borrowed but wouldn't it be nice to live that life growing old and when you can say I have enjoyed living my life.? When you have died not by the hands of irresponsible and shameful individual.?  I have only met monching way back my college life I think he was then just a teenage boy who enjoys his life. Often times I would hear his sweet laughter and  silly jokes; those innocent act with so much pride. Looking back at those times I suddenly  felt crying. We shared little time together yet I have felt this excruciating pain when I heard he died. Maybe because he has made a  great impact and leaved a remarkable mark in my life.

          The compunction of losing a love one is immeasurable. Though time can somehow mend those broken hearts their memories lingers forever within you. I know 'cause losing two most important people in my life still brought infinite grieve to me. How can we measure their true essence of living? Guess, it is when even by death those that remain living will forever remember all the good and kind things they have done. That amidst time their memories lives in every breath we take and the beating of our hearts. I can only offer sincere prayer to my departed friend. A prayer that will lead him to his peaceful solemn solace and justice may be served. Farewell dear friend your memory will always remain.